DOES THIS TAMPON MAKE ME LOOK FAT??

My favorite pro-ana jet set hollywood highschool kid has checked herself into rehab.

how sad, it just makes me sick really... i think i'll go puke.

a.

j♥b

An excuse for a Chanel tweed? perhaps...

I was recently offered a job, a very very corporate job. I have to admit, the offer was tempting. There are many perks to the corporate life... great paychecks, water-cooler banter about last night's episode of 24, free pens...
but perhaps most noteably the opportunity to bust some serious gitch. Do a sort of Dior Homme for Femme kind of thing...
Crisp dress shirts with mini-collars to elongate the neck, tailored blazers and streamlined pants, skinny ties and lime green bowties... the click clack of louboutins from the elevator to your desk.
And the paychecks might even help you to legitimize purchasing that unreasonably beautiful scarf you've had your eye on since the air became crisp, who knows?
But lets call a spade a spade people. Corporate life leads to suicide. It also leads to the death of creativity.
... and with the death of creativity comes the death of everything i hold dear.
But I have a question! How much sex is had in these offices? I feel like theres a lot. Bare asses getting accidently photocopied during mid-day trysts... perhaps I've been watching too much channel 566.

Anyways...

Sucking up to/on 60yr old republican corporate men is so not on my agenda. Although the allure of the easy peasy corporate life was appealing for a few moments, its just not for me. Now don't get me wrong not all corporations are bad, not at all... the ones who promote their employees and encourage creativity are awesome. So, I will bide my time until I end up in a happy place even if the paychecks are smaller and not necessarily conducive to Hedi Slimane.

At least I wont be stuck under a desk trying to get a bonus. (cough, amanda, cough... kidding♥)

oh yes, i have forgotten to tell you. i am not going back to school in the fall. if i do not find a job i like by then i might wander off somewhere warm... you never know do you?

“Nobody goes to Los Angeles. L.A. is where you end up.”
-Izzy Stradlin'

xoxo
a.

Why drink cow's milk...

...when you could drink soy milk, breast milk or even milk from a cocker spaniel? what about pork milk?

calcium is for lovers, you know.

As much as i ♥ Steve Aoki...

Ultra last Friday actually made me want to kill myself.

Im not joking. I was looking around and thinking... do any of you people actually know who this man is?.. or did you just get an invite on facebook.

I was actually SO annoyed by the crowd that I mentally bailed from even contemplating attending the afterparty.
now thats sad.

I would rather be stuck alone in an elevator with Cisco Adler Spencer Pratt for an entire two day period than be subjected to a)the outfits that were in attendance that night AND b)the uninvited attitudes that accompanied said lechateau finds.

The ONLY person that actually could have influenced me to stay at that point is Mickey Avalon, himself. Nikki and I actually hung out in the walkway for a bit before we left completely because we still wanted to hear the music. Now if that's not sad, I dont know what is.

The moral of the story: I didnt liaise with Steve Aoki or (his way hotter sister) Devon Aoki and will probably never return to Ultra again. Great Night. thrilling.



above: regular steve aoki party... (even if he is with cisco adler)...

vs.

below: ultra lounge steve aoki party.... (see the difference, no? maybe its just me)...



note: krystina fear not, just because you have left toronto does not mean you have been forgotten. Blog on JESSIE SPANO to come.

in my House of Holland...

I think Im going to buy each and every House of Holland shirt and then eat them.
I just love them that much.


Being an 80s child they remind me of Katharine Hamnett's shirts from the same time period ('Frankie Says Relax', 'Choose Life,' etc.)


However, instead of focusing on Frankie... whoever that is... Henry Holland targeted the fashion elite.
Singling out Agyness Deyn, Cindy Crawford, Christopher Bailey and a myriad of others.

My personal favourite shirts include:

"I'll Show You Who's Boss, Kate Moss"

"Wham, Bam, Thank-you Stam"

and a black rubber tee (very S&M) that says "I've Got More Than A Handful For Naomi Campbell" ... awesome.



They do not sell these shirts here in Canada, obviously.

Which brings me to another point related to my last post... perhaps I should get a job as a buyer at Holt Renfrew... so that I can sit on my ass and apparently do NOTHING alllll day.
Because God forbid they actually stock something current in that store. Sorry Adrienne. Sorry Nicole.

Anyways, if you want one of these shirts you are going to have to haul ass to Barneys or Bergdorfs pretty much.

But in closing I would like to say (dear sweet ryerson fashion students) that as much as I enjoyed Mass Exodus you all might want to think about cutting the couture and throwing me a bone with a line of kitschy tops or something...
because I will say this...
using my weekly grocery money to order in a 65£ t-shirt from London is not going to go over well with my good conscience.


if henry holland can do it, someone at ryerson... toronto... montreal can do it better!


Heatherette, particularly Richie Rich should really think about getting over the Hiltons. really...


alright, i think ive said just about enough.

tinky winky...

i was just informed that there is still debate over the sexuality of this individual... thats gay.

tinky winky isnt real.

I MISS BLOW...

I am deeply deeply affected by the death of one Ms Isabella Blow.

Isabella was more than a muse, she was an icon to many people such as myself.

A staple at Andy Warhol's factory and Anna Wintour's personal assistant in the 80s, Isabella progressed to not only discovering, but fostering some of the world's most influential and groundbreaking names in fashion from Alexander McQueen to Sophie Dahl.

In a hommage to the deceased, I will be wearing a hat every day this week. I will also be applying for extensions on my essays.

Hats off to you, Blow.

xoxo
♥a.


"If you don't wear lipstick, I can't talk to you"
-Isabella Blow(1958-2007)

Introducing FLAVIO (he fucks)...

And you guys thought i was bad... I may be into older guys but never ones like this...



FLAVIO BRIATORE
Age: 56
Occupation: Entrepreneur; manager of Renault's Formula One racing team; owner of 'Cipriani London' and the 'Billionaire Club' in Sardinia
Notable Assets: 200-foot yacht; leathery orange tan

This man is...
1) Heidi Klum's baby's daddy
2) The man behind Naomi Campbell's 'Flavio' tattoo.
3) Quoted saying, "Dating Nicole [Kidman] was a mistake, she was older than I usually prefer."
4) Number 1 on Radar Magazine's 'Toxic Bachelors' list.
5) Responsible for dumping Elle Macpherson



The "overweight Italian stallion" has managed to parlay his gratuitous racing fortune and hairy Buddha belly into relationships with the world's most beautiful women, including Nicole Kidman, Elle Macpherson, and Eva Herzigova. He's often spotted off Sardinia on his yacht, Force Blue, with bikini-clad ladies half his age. "I prefer younger girls," he explained to the Daily Mail. "They say thank you for dinner, at least."

But as Heidi Klum learned, free meals are a lot easier to get out of Briatore than child support or fidelity. After his dalliance with a 19-year-old model cut their romance short, Heidi's baby daddy refused to offer financial assistance without a paternity test. A friend of Klum's later told the Post the billionaire never "gave her a dime" to care for their daughter, though Briatore claims otherwise. Klum's aunt tried to remain neutral, describing him to the Mail as a "wrinkly, worthless old has-been ... bastard." Naomi Campbell may have shared those sentiments when she had a tattoo of Briatore's initials removed from her arm. Despite Campbell's accusations of domestic abuse, they've continued their cycle of make-ups and break-ups. It seems, however hard he tries, Briatore is unable to commit to just one size zero. "You know how it is with women," he told the Guardian last year. "The big excitement comes with the flirting. You flirt, flirt, flirt, and then you are there." -Radar

Sick.

As many of you may know...

Im black.
Well, not entirely but significantly. So i think it's fair, specifically for the purpose of this article, that i label myself as such exclusively.

now, at no point had i intended to be serious on this blog. so i wasnt going to post the following... but then i realised, its actually not serious at all... more senile than serious id say.

the following is an excerpt from a very recent conversation i had with a family member, who will remain nameless (until she starts bitching at me via the comments section and totally rats herself out. Way to go chelsea 'Nameless Family Member'):


April 28th 2007 @ 7:48pm...

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: i dont like la

a.: meh, i had fun while i was there

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: didnt u say u were stopping into vancouver on ur way home?

a.: that was this summer. because i was planning on moving to la for the summer then stopping in vancity mid august i might go there sometime this summer though anyways

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: ahh... yeah im a burnout i only remember parts of conversations....

a.: thats ok!

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: umm... maybe this fall billy and i will come visit
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: he likes to travel

a.: thats cool, i'll be around. i think keith is still here too

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: nope keith came home a couple of weeks ago... and i think hes going back to asia to hang out with the chinks

a.: oh did he?
ps. i cant believe you just used the term 'chinks'

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: i dont like asians
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: racist i guess

a.: um, what is this the 1950s?
a.: are you homophobic as well?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: nope, just really dont like asians
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: everyone else is cool i guess
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: i dont know why either... for some reason, well... i mean they are ugly...

a.: are you joking or being serious?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: im serious
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: lol

a.: wow, i might puke.

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: i mean if u were introduce me to an asian friend that would be alright i guess and i would have asian friends i guess, but as a whole, not a fan
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: aww common atleast im honest lol

a.: honest? ignorant... yes.
sorry man but like thats not kosher. you havent met every asian. being judgemental like that is sooo tacky and retro

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: its true...

a.: my roommate is asian and happens to be one of my best friends

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: but i would have asian friends

a.: until youve met every asian saying something like that is sooo lame though

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: im just not a fan of the race, each individual person may be right cool....
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: i remember u saying once that u didnt like umm...
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: not black ppl, but the REALLY black ppl
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: theres a name that u used i done remember tho

a.: perhaps i said i dont like people who are ghetto? or ignorant? is that what i said?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: both, its all good though
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: at im accepting of my faults

a.: umm... its likely i said that. i still dont like ignorant or ghetto people... black white or asian

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: but ur my cousin u have to love me either way

a.: umm... i do?

10 minutes later...

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: i just think they are ugly... i mean yes there are pretty ones i guess, but i dont find them an attractive race at all. yuck.

a.: i just wrote an exam on media&images of inequality as well as racial stereotypes and beauty ideologies. i dont think im the right person to talk to
a.: but whatever, we're all entitled to our own opinions...

wait, it gets better...



NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: ok lol... anyways... u still smoking weed?

a.: no, i stopped smoking weed when i was like 17... you know that woman

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: ... again... burnt out
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: do anything else/
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: other than  drink obviously lol

a.: drugs? no. 

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: why not./

a.: im not into drugs

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: coke's good in TO.. much better than here

a.: i would imagine

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: if we came up ud have to hook us up with some. I can only do it on special occasions. Ive been cut off lol

a.: well, im not in to condoning cocaine.

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: ok well we'll worry about that then, ive just heard great things about the chawtch in  TO... were u ever into drugs at all?

a.: not really. i party almost every night. if i did drugs, id be dead. 
a.: a lot of people do weird drugs sbut its secretive because its kind of tacky
a.: ive been sitting with a friend at lunch and her nose started bleeding. thats sick.
a.: its likke if you do it, you do it ALL the time and hide it and then you end up at Promises with Britney Spears and are ostracized when you come back


NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: yeah i dont like to hide anything... but yeah ive never once got a nose bleed
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: so ur pretty straight edge, Im proud, good little role model lol

a.: i dont think straight edge would be the right impression to leave you with, if we're aiming for honesty here. but dirty street drugs are not my thing these days, no.
a.: do people do a lot of crack in NB?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: well yes and no, Id say coke is the big one right now, but obviously with coke comes crack.
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: they are definetly my thing lol

a.: like how often? once a day?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: depends on the drugs of choice
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: weed, everyday
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: umm... special k probably 4 times a month...
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: ummm last 3 days tho i been on the jib straight. right now too

a.: k? thats a horse tranquilizer. brutal.
a.: what is jib?
a.: why dont you take pills? they are at least mildly cleaner.


NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: k is cat tranquiler actually and were hooked up thru a vet so its cool...
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: jib would be crystal meth

a.: is this normal there?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: and i take pills, normally snort them but i hav such a high tolerance for drugs that i cant ever get high off pills

a.: but is this common? 

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: normal for some, abstract for others i suppose
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: like all the drugs?
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: not as common as there

a.: the type of drugs
a.: those drugs are only common here amongst the homeless.

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: yeah
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: for sure, thats the stuff thats accessible
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: really... i rarely see pills, when i see them, i take them and i feel nothing...  what would u do like e?

a.: god no
a.: again DIRTY drug

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: yeah I have a pill bottles full of varieties of anti depressants.
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: lots of selection lol
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: amitryptaline, celexa, prozac, celebrexen, adavan, valiums
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: its great being crazy :D

a.: do you work?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: yeah I work for the m******t, its a call center and i book reservations

a.: have you finished school yet?

NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: no i havnt been in school since jan of 06 i think
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: or 05
NAMELESS FAMILY MEMBER: either way i went for a year and a half



yeah... and IM the black sheep??!?

Anyways, my 'Nameless Family Member' is clearly insane. CLEARLY.
like whats wrong with people??

Anyways, the fact that I just aired this persons dirty laundry on the good old www probably isnt going to go over well in my family... so this may get removed mighty quickly. My family can be quite forceful. Or I mean hey, we have to be realistic in saying I may have to remove it so I can deny doing it in the first place if the police arrest her. wouldnt that be fun? oops.

SO, with no time to waste & in a much deserved hommage to Asians and meth, i present you with the perfect amalgamation of the two in the wonderful... Bai-Ling. as well as a few other of my fave Asians who clearly prove my cousin is an idiot.
... and a crack head.


sora, just sora. very much like madonna is just madonna.
and im not talking about the slut madonna, im talking about the reaallllyy famous one. the virgin one.
soras awesome in that way.


devon aoki (is clearly hideous)


dj steve aoki kid millionaire


Mademoiselle Bai-Ling

Anyways, enough of this talk of racism & drugs. Today is supposed to be a celebration of Paris going to jail and i mean nothing, NOTHING should be getting in the way of that pah-tay.

xo
♥a.